Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Take Whatcha Need

I need time.

Lots and lots of time.

After all, society (and if not society, than just 'I') expects me to find fulfillment in a forty hour a week job. And then float home to a beautifully, but of course inexpensively, furnished home, that is always company ready, to prepare a delicious and nutritious dinner from scratch. I would then spend my evening reading enlightening books, having coffee with my dearest of friends, and working on my current DIY project.

It is, of course, a given that I have abs of steal, wear a size 4, spent an hour on my hair and makeup, and vacuumed the living room while in heals and pearls.

Everyone does. Right?


It seems to be a pattern for me, that every three or four months I get this picture in my head of what I should be like. Every time it is a little bit different.

I should make everything from scratch.
I should be more fit.
I should make more crafts.
I should fix my hair more.
I should wear more makeup.
I should spend more time with friends.
I should read more.

But every time the message is the same.

You are not good enough.
You should be better.
 You are not enough. 
You should be more.
You. Are. Not.

Even just typing those words felt so embarrassing.

"The other blogs you read don't talk about this kind of stuff!" 
"Everyone is just going to think you are whiny and needing attention!" 
"Stop being so dramatic!"

It is times like these when I have to take my focus off of everything I should be or do or have, and focus on what I need.

I need to spend time in God's presence. Everyday. And a lot of it
I need to show my husband how much I love him, and know that he loves me back.
I need to give generously.
I need to live courageously.
I need to be happy in my skin.
I need to stop being my own biggest critic.
I need to remove negative people from my close confidence. 
I need to tell myself how good I am doing, and just relax a little.

This is what I need. And this is what I am going to take today. I am going to take time, give time and make every moment positive. I am going to take mercy in the areas I would like to be doing better in, knowing that that too, will come in time. I am going to take the grace God gives me to be able to do what He thinks I should do. And then I am going to take some contentment and stop striving so hard.

I hope you too, take what you need today.

Grace and Courage,

1 comment:

  1. Love you, Panda! I hope your day was wonderful! I can totally relate to what you're saying. I battle with thinking that way a lot. I am my own biggest critic too. Well I guess we can keep each other in prayer over this! Living like that can be so tiring...and it's dumb because we don't have to! But we do! Sometimes it is really hard for me not think that way because I genuinely think it's truth. Battlefield of the mind, yo! ;) But any way, I'll pray specifically about these things with you. :) Love you!